My inner Diva, child and goddess have all been sitting over there in the corner of my mind, whispering among themselves for days now.
The inner goddess is all stretched out on the lounger in silk jammies, nibbling dark chocolate and sipping wine. She and I need to chat, I hate silk anything.
The inner child is sitting crossed legged like a kid on the floor, big bowl of ice cream in front of her while blowing bubbles and cracking her gum.
And the Diva planted herself on a bar stool drinking beer and sporting a really sassy attitude.
What has their panties all knotted up? The Badge.
By now you probably have figured out he is a cop. Years ago, before the stint with the motorcycle gang member, and prior to dating The Count, I had drifted across the profile of the badge on a dating site. But then I dropped off because I was dating The Count. Y’all know how that crashed and burned, and if not it doesn’t matter. We’re friends again. Not with benefits or anything, in fact beyond playing similar Facebook games we aren’t really much more than social media pals. Fence mended, life goes on. About a year ago, The Badge friended me on Facebook and after trolling his photos I realized who he was, that guy I had briefly encountered on a dating site. I honestly don’t know if he realized it at the time but over the months we “liked” or commented on each others posts very randomly. Then he asked me out. I didn’t even take it seriously the first time, but thankfully he asked again. Meanwhile I had serious issues adjusting to his sense of humor, but I finally got past all of that.
Since the first time, we’ve gone out half a dozen times and he has come to church with me 4 times now. We text, frequently as in daily, numerous times a day, and there is playful banter in those texts and on Facebook. I like this one.
My inner child finds him extremely amusing. The Goddess finds him attractive and fun. The Diva is just the usual bad girl that needs to be locked in her room. She is looking forward to us going to Florida in May and is all over the Sparkpeople and Fitbit stuff plotting her way back to a bikini body by then. She is all up the back end of the child who craves the ice cream and the goddess who is demanding her wine, they need to work together on this project for success.
Meanwhile? My heart is still locked behind walls. Jaded, scarred and untrusting of any male who is insane enough to try to scale the barriers. And that is the issue. I want to believe I’m not being played this time, that this time there is real interest beyond getting me in to bed. I’ve held this one at arm’s length but that isn’t going so well, he is getting under my skin and into my head. I said no more dating, and yet that is exactly what I am doing. The inner child is all over the fun, the goddess is skeptical, and the damn inner diva is standing on her bar stool trying to see when we will see him again. I’m so confused.