I love looking at what hits the spam folder in my email sometimes. Today is a rather interesting collection of opportunities. If you need a hook up for any of the following just let me know, I’m the go-to girl.
Match.com wants me to wink at other singles in my area, assuring me the results will leave me smiling. And if I don’t find someone special in 6 months, they’ll give me 6 months free! I tried Match.com last year. It is over priced for starters. I wasn’t all that impressed to be honest with the potential “special” people it matched me up with. Well unless you define special as mentally touched, as in the elevator doesn’t reach the top floor….well then by golly I met a lot of REALLY special individuals. No thanks.
Next up…Senior Dating! I can access and chat with thousands of 50+ singles in my area! Really? 50 qualifies me as a senior citizen? Geeze better hurry up, I’m about to turn 49 and then it’s all down hill to the nursing home for me! Does this mean I will be able to get a Golden Buckeye and AARP card discount and go to all-you-can-eat dinners at Golden Corral?? I can’t wait, talk about living on the edge!
Got a need for a background check? I can fix you up, can even check my own! DUI, burglary, violent crimes…this place offers it all, no doubt for a nominal fee! Around these parts it is free to view the local clerk of courts website. Oh and sure, have at it, you won’t find a thing on me. Not even a damn parking ticket. Trust me, it isn’t that I don’t deserve a speeding ticket, I have just never been caught. *knocks on wood*
Looking for a Russian bride? Really WHO isn’t these days, right? Well, get with me, I can hook a brother or a sister up if your desire is to “flirt live with sexy girls on Russian Brides”. Think I’ll pass on that one, language barrier and all, too much stress. Maybe in 2013 if the world doesn’t end come December when the Mayan calendar runs out and I’m back on the dating market again.
You guys out there need a little enhancement hook up? GO BIGGER has contacted me, assuring me that YOU can add 3 inches to your manhood, NOW! I wouldn’t wait on that, sounds rather urgent, like they only have so much stock and after that you’re screwed. No pun intended. “This is the Most Effective And Safest Way To Enlarge Your Manhood! Get Incredible Gains Even While You SLEEP! Gains Of 3-4 Inches Are Not Uncommonm, Try for yourself Risk Free 100% Guaranteed to Work! GET THE SIZE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER WILL BE VERY SATISFIED WITH!” – gee, while you sleep even, who knew? The URL for this one has gethuge in it’s address, I’m certain this is legit. Please, take before and after photos, because this inquiring mind would love to know if it really works.
Sorry gals, no breast enlargement creams this time around. But stick around, the spam folder is always changing and updating. Lucky me.