Now yes, I have taken this year off and shelved dating for 2012, but I shelved my nails too and those are back. But I’m not in any rush to un-shelve the whole dating fiasco, still working on ME. However it doesn’t mean that I cannot be mapping the necessary requirements for consideration when the time comes to submit one’s dating resume. Right?
Shortly after my divorce was final, I had posted 10 Qualifications For A Frog Prince With Benefits, mostly in fun, as I was NOT really seeking anyone, and figured if I did anything it would be a friend with benefits. Fate showed me once again that it is impossible for men and women to be just friends if it is just the two of them and not couple to couple friends, because over time attraction will grow. And then things happen. But looking back the qualifications, should I ever decide to come out of dating retirement, would apply for a REAL relationship:
FROG PRINCE WITH BENEFITS A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
- Transportation: Having a car is a must for a FPWB – a Princess doesn’t use public transportation. She also does not ‘pick up’ the Prince, that is his job. The Princess is supposed to grace the passenger seat of the carriage of the Prince with her beauty.
- Motorcycle: Should the FPWB also happen to own a motorcycle, he gains instant bonus points, as the Princess loves the position of fender fluff behind her Prince, wrapped around him.
- Fashion sense: is a must! Men in midriff tops is NEVER acceptable! Know what to wear and when to wear it! If you are in danger of friends/family calling in Stacy and Clayton from TLC’s What Not To Wear, don’t bother applying.
- Football Fan: You must be a football fan, as the Princess loves football! Bengals fans get highest marks, Colts behind them. Ravens and Browns fans will be judged on a case by case basis, Steelers fans need not bother applying, it is grounds for REJECTION OF APPLICATION on the spot!
- Hygiene: Learn about it! Brush your teeth, shower and use soap and water, trim the tree and shave the jewels, and for the love of St. Peter if you can clearly shave numbers in your back hair, get a waxing! (hairy chests on the other hand are MORE than acceptable!
- Playful: A guy in touch with his inner child, that can have FUN with a little water fight with the hose, snowball fights, some friendly wrestling over the TV remote (you must, of course, throw the match as Princess must always win). Princess is playful and possesses a sense of humor. If you lack these qualities, hop over to someone else’s pond please or contact your Fairy Godmother for assistance.
- FOOD SENSE: Chips and dip does not qualify as tailgate or picnic food. Princess likes both of those activities and expects you will have enough brains to know what to bring or how to use Google if not! Her first and favorite test is a picnic in the park of her choosing to get to know you, what you pack for her to enjoy will tell her a lot about you! (this includes accessories needed for said adventure)
- Time Management: Princess is a very busy lady, her schedule books in advance. While you may get lucky with last minute arrangements, it is best to book her time well ahead of the event. Oh, and she frowns on cancellations and no shows, so don’t do it unless you want off the A-List.
- Cyber Savvy Flirt: The Princess likes a man who knows how to get her attention with a text or an email now and then, after all, she believes the world revolves around her. Oh wait, in HER universe it does, get used to it.
- NO Limp Shrimp!: Princess enjoys sex. In fact that is the benefit side of this arrangement. She couldn’t care less if you get your trout stout with or without a little blue pill, just make sure your one eyed dragon is alive and in the game when she is ready.
I also will want information on any applicant’s astrological sign. If you have been following me for any length of time, you know that there are just certain guys that will never have a snow balls chance in hell. I didn’t heed the compatibility stuff with The Count, and learned my lesson once again. NO one born under the signs of Aquarius, Scorpio, or Leo need apply. It is NOT going to happen. Period. End. Of. Discussion.
Another pre-req will be the out come of the 41Q Personality test. Maybe. Just humor me okay? If you take the test and are interested, comment and use the 8 digit number it gives you at the end of the profile and I’ll post our compatibility results. Below is the screen shot of mine, without the number (no cheating!). 🙂 It’s just for fun because I get asked so much when I’m going back on the market. Not sure anyone can handle me, but would be curious to see.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
~ Marilyn Monroe