Face it, singles…we have a pretty sweet life. We have ROOM to be who we want to be and to see what we wanna see. It’s not that difficult to find the silver lining in our situation. ~ The Single Woman
I was reading one of my favorite bloggers, The Single Woman, today, and that jumped out at me. As I find myself yet again single, it is at times easy to be envious of those that have a significant other to spend the holidays with, especially as it is my very favorite time of the year. Or to dream, build a business and relationship with, a life for two. Her blog post today was more about singles that had yet to be married and have kids, that struggle with having so many friends that are marrying, pregnant or new parents. For me, it is at the other end of the spectrum that I reside.
I’ve been married, twice now. I don’t really count the first marriage that much as it only lasted a few years and other than my wonderful son and the fantastic step-daughter I had during those years, there really is nothing good about that one. My second marriage ended nearly 2 years ago, the divorce final 16 months ago. That one I have to count, it was just short of 22 years long and for the most part I think full of good memories. I will take the ex-husband at his words that it was 90% good. I think it is accurate, though he is correct it was 10% bad. And that bad isn’t all my fault or my temper, we had a lot of very difficult hurdles to over come, many related to his health throughout and that impacted us financially. I have a gorgeous daughter, inside and out, as a result of my long marriage. So, I’ve done the marriage and dirty diapers thing, and have the best kids a mom could ask for that are all grown up and one even getting married in a few months. No envy for that portion of life, I feel my cup over flows there.
My envy is the lack of someone to hold me when I cry, to walk the beaches with, go to the Festival Of Lights with to see all the lights at the zoo, to snuggle with and watch TV. I had it 3 times now since the marriage ended, and each time very much loved the men I was involved with, Mr. Wonderful, The Superhero and The Count. Sadly each ended and really there was nothing wrong on either side, it simply didn’t work. Unfortunately the heart gets some cracks and even broken pretty badly as a result. But that is another blog for another day this week.
Being single at 48 isn’t really that bad, in fact in looking for the silver lining, it pretty much rocks! And as envious as I am of those in relationships and marriages, I know that The Single Woman is correct, many attached females look sideways at me with jealousy too.
- I get to make my own decisions without having to consider how the outcome will impact others.
- I wear the perfume I like, not what ‘he’ likes.
- I get the whole bed to myself.
- If I need to snuggle at night, I have a teddy bear, and he has never been unkind, spoken harshly, argued with me or hurt my feelings.
- Chick flicks are a given.
- I don’t have to wrap my schedule around anyone elses.
- I can dye my hair any color I want without worrying about someone not finding me as attractive.
- Same goes for ‘littering’ my body with ink, only one that has to approve or like my new tattoo is me.
- I can sleep and snore like a freight train without a nudge, elbow to the back etc.
- I don’t have to listen to anyone else snoring, Teddy doesn’t snore and neither does my cat.
- My cat is always happy to see me, even with muck mouth in the morning.
- I don’t need to clear purchases with anyone, the money is all mine to do with as I see fit.
- I can be who I want to be, not try to adapt to who I am needed to be for someone else.
- No one says “I told you so” if I mess up something I wanted to try.
- I don’t have to split the holidays with someone else’s family, I get to enjoy mine every holiday.
- I can flirt, unashamed, with the cute mechanic working on my car.
- I can accept a dinner date or drink, and share a hot passionate kiss with that cute UPS guy.
The list could go on forever. Certainly I had a long list when married or in a relationship that made singles jealous, but now I’m single and I can see that I have a pretty green pasture over here on this side of the fence too. And as The Single Woman said, “Anyone can get married. Not just anybody can be fabulous.” Not that one needs to be single to be so, but I am pretty darn fabulous.