Welcome to Featured Friend Friday!
The following blog was submitted anonymously. Well okay, I know the author, but you do not. However what she wrote about hit me hard, it needs to be read and shared. I hope folks walk away with the idea that there are two sides to every story, especially divorces, and never be too quick to judge based on one side of the story, coming from an emotionally charged up ex or soon to be ex spouse. Remember that their words are biased and should be taken with a grain of salt.
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With Father’s Day coming up soon, I have been thinking about the fathers I have known in my life. My own dad, my brother, the father of my child and many friends. Some married for many years, some co-parenting with the mothers of their children. I can honestly say most are good or great fathers. I don’t think I have ever known someone who fit the definition of a “deadbeat” dad. I hear many people say women who are divorced with children are “single moms.” The most common description of a single mom is a woman who has been left by the father of her child to raise their child(ren) alone. That definition evokes much sympathy and compassion towards the woman who chooses to tell people that she is a single mom. So those women who choose to use this term to garner sympathy when there is an active, willing and supportive father in the picture are disrecptful to other divorced mothers and fathers who are alone in raising their child(ren).
I know one such father who is co-parenting with the mother of his children. From the beginning of the end of their relationship, he has insisted on shared parenting (or having his children 50% of the time). He has never faltered on this request and continues to fight for shared parenting. He has provided financial support beyond what was ever required or would have been ordered by any court. His children are in his thoughts from his first waking breath in the morning to the last moment before he sleeps at night. Raising their children has not been easy for either one, but so many things have been said in social circles about him being a father that does nothing for his children. I can say with confidence that this father does not deserve the things being said about him. He has spent hours helping his son keep his car running, sacrificing his hands and body all the time. He has shed tears and spent countless time worrying about his daughter’s happiness. He sits at the table and helps with homework, flashcards and reading. He has dropped what he is doing to pick one of them up when they need a ride. He worries about what his children eat and drink and insists on dinner around the table each night. Not fast food, not dinner on the run, not eating in the kitchen, but sitting his family down together for conversation and bonding. He wants to help them pursue their interests and guide them even when they don’t want to be guided. His love for his children can be seen in his face when he speaks about them. His proudest moments are when they achieve or excel in one of their goals. They are happy and safe when they are with him.
Now here is when you are expecting me to say this father deserves a gold star or some special recognition. No. He is simply doing what a father should do. What I am saying is that anyone who spreads gossip or untruths about this man should stop. You have no right to judge what you don’t know. You do not live his life or spend any time with him and his children when they are together. You have never asked his side of the story (yes, there are two sides to every story). He is a good father and provider and anyone who says anything contrary is simply lying.
I feel lucky to have so many great dads in my life.
Happy Father’s Day to the dad’s out there.