On The Brink Of Being A Cat Lady


I seriously did not understand that statement, “I’m one bad relationship from owning 10 cats” until now.  At least from my own point of view I totally get it.

I am a reformed cat hater, not a cat lady as I only have one, let’s be clear on that point.  Cat ladies are crazy, have more cats than they can manage and they seem to live in a complete fantasy land talking to the walls.  Not going to lie, I’m probably a hell of a lot closer to that than  I know, but not THERE yet!  I hated cats with a passion, the only good one was a dead on in my opinion.  Don’t get me wrong, I thought kittens were adorable and loved to cuddle one, but the little flat faced fur balls grow up and become cats.

Cats are assholes, that simple, at least that was my take on them.  The only cat I really spent much time with (because they make my eyes water, my nose stuffy and I sneeze around them) was my dad’s cat, Spook.  We lived there for a while with our kids when my daughter was a baby, and I came to really despise that damn feline.  He tried to kill me on the steps every morning, would knock everything off of my dresser in our bedroom every single day, and once in a while would puke up a hairball in a nasty mess by my side of the bed.  Oh the joy of stepping in what felt like cold oatmeal in the morning.  The little f*cker hated me and it was mutual, I wanted to send him to his maker.  I thought about stuffing him down the laundry shoot but he actually thought it was a lot of fun sliding down it (I swear he tried it on his OWN) so that wasn’t going to do the trick.  My brother and his wife  lived there too, (by the way, just piece of advice, 3 households under one roof does NOT work – but that is another blog), with their deaf boxer.  Stone deaf boxer, Lance.  Lance rocked as far as dogs go, all white and immune to baby cries.  He tolerated my baby daughter crawling all over him, yanking and chewing on his ears, even stuffing dum-dum suckers  up his nose (she tried to share from her walker and missed a few times).  One time when dad was away on a vacation, we all had entirely too much fun at Spook’s expense.  Because Lance could not hear, he was fascinated by lights.  Enter me, Pete, Mike and his wife, Trina, a laser pointer, Lance, Spook and a few too many beers.   We spent the evening shining the little red dot on the cat and watching the dog chase after him, terrorizing him.  Believe me, the damn cat had it coming to him, he tormented poor Lance enough that paybacks were over due.  It was great fun.

Anyway, where was I…oh yes…I HATED cats.  Then, when in the midst of my biggest emotional crisis my baby sister decided what I needed was a kitten.  Diva Boo is one of the most generous of people, and will go far out of her way and budget to try to mend broken hearts or make someone feel better.  So she found this rescue kitten, born and abandoned in a sewer and bottle fed for 4 weeks.  Because we are the Diva Den, only females are permitted to live in our house, so she was in search of a girl kitty.  For my 47th birthday she brought me a kitten.  She knew I needed a focus, someone or something that needed love and nurturing, something or someone that needed me.  She was an extremely tiny little thing, smaller than her brothers that had survived (some of the litter perished in the sewer), the runt of her family.  I fell in love.  With a cat.  OMG WTF!!   Noel hated her at first, dribbling her little kitten head on the floor at every opportunity, trying to strangle her, shove her down steps etc.  Poor Pixel (her name as she was just this tiny black dot) was still walking like a toddler, all awkward and goofy, and all she wanted to do was play with Noel.  Sometime in the first two weeks Noel’s mothering instincts kicked in and she tried to step in as mommy to Pixel.  While she has taught my baby all she needs to know about being a cat (and a lot I wish she had NOT shared), Pixel still views me as her mama.  Our vet warned she would go one of two directions because of her bottle raising, either she’d NOT get along with people and avoid them, or she’d bond to me like glue.  Thankfully she stuck to me.  So much so that when I call her at night she runs to my room, jumps up on the bed and curls up against my head to sleep.  If my hand is on the pillow she lays her paw on it, or wraps her front paws around my wrist and rests her head in the palm of my hand. WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE?????  She made me a cat lover.

Caring for her has been one of the best medicines I could ask for when it comes to healing my broken heart.  I understand pet therapy now, it really does help to have something to pet, love on, and care for.  HOWEVER, this scares the shit out of me.  2 marriages done, gone and history now.  The first one…that one was ALL him and the JK’s Ex Wives Club (he is on marriage #5) can attest to it, he was a mean drunk, an alcoholic with a violent streak.  It was short lived.  The second I won’t bore you with just look under the heading of my divorce on my side bar if you are a new follower.  It lasted 23 years, almost, and was my total world.  (23 years TODAY  in fact, happy un-anniversary Chef Piere!!! Best of luck, in all seriousness, in finding happiness.  I sincerely hope you are able to find her out there) The ending of that chapter of my life was a real challenge to me mentally and emotionally.  I seriously would NEED 10 rescue kittens to help me go through anything like that again.  Honestly could have done with them this time, and while at least 2 of the Divas would have scrambled to find those needy kittys, Diva Mom would have never allowed it, and it takes all 5 Divas (see My Supporting Cast) votes of ‘yes’ on something of that nature.  Diva Sarah would have held out of a dog, so no more cats.

NO more long term, committed relationships. NONE, ZIP, NADA, not going to happen.  I cannot afford 10 damn cats, my allergies cannot handle more than the one sleeping with me now and the other that resides in our home.  I’m not sure that my mind can handle another major heart break like that without me turning into one of those crazy ladies, cats all over, talking to the tea pot and giggling to myself.  NO not going to happen, I am but one bad relationship from owning 10 cats.


6 comments

  1. just for the record… there is nothing wrong with talking to the teapot and giggling to yourself. I find it all quite therapeutic… and I have 2 cats….. lol

    • Oh good so what you are telling me is I only need one more cat to know intimacy with my kitchen appliances? LOL

      • nope, not saying that at all….. lol…. but it works, and you can actually say you are talking to the cats and only looking at the teapot….

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