Random Thoughts On A Sunday Afternoon

I took a break from blogging yesterday, with getting up early and working part of the day, and a lot on my mind, I just did not feel much like writing. I was more for relaxing on the deck with a beer and so I did just that. It was SO beautiful too, great breeze, lots of shade, and even the noisy cicadas really were nice to listen too. I am all about windows open if we can handle the temperatures, I love hearing the outside world.

Last day as a married person, by this time tomorrow I will be free! And funny as it sounds, I am happy about it. Less than 24 hours to go and counting! I will no longer have financial responsibility for the mound of debt like the house he is in danger of losing because karma is coming home already to bite him square in the ass. NO sympathy here. Even Mustard, his wonderful, pearl yellow Harley that is in my name, that he is also going to lose soon because he cannot afford it, will no longer be my problem. The divorce papers give it all to him, and he will likely be kissing it all goodbye here in the next year because he won’t be able to afford to keep any of it. Unless he moves in his girlfriend, the one he says is not a girlfriend. She has left a painful wake of emotional and mental debris in the lives of many other men that were married when she sank her claws into them, (not to mention SHE is married), and it is only a matter of time until he who shall not be named finds out what a truly evil little bitch she is, just like all her other victims learned the hard way.  In celebration I will get a new tattoo, but that one I’m not certain of what to have done, looking into it, it has to be something unique.

I do have another tattoo planned, for over the top of my left breast, for my kitten who has been my heart band-aid. It is planned just need the money for it and that will take a bit to pull together. I love getting inked, hurts like a mother *&^%$! in some spots but it is also a bizarre high that I love. I have 3 already, with 2 on deck now and no doubt more will follow in time.  That is  another wonderful thing about being single, no one telling me ‘no’ to more tattoos.  My body is MY canvas and I will  decorate it as I see fit, which  is as it should be.

Pixel  kitten does not have a hernia but is reacting to her sutures it seems.   Add her being crazy and running around playing which is causing friction to the internal ones  and it seems to be an issue.  A  big shot of strong antibiotics and  she seems fine, though short of gluing her paws down she is NOT resting much.  She wants to play and if  I lock her in my room she carries on like  she is dying  so I give  up.  She learned how to get her collar off too so she is moving about in stealth mode periodically, no little bell warning of in coming kitten attack.

I enjoyed an over night  visit with my daughter last night.  She  joined us for our Saturday wine night, which this week we went with a beer, Pete’s Wicked Ale.  She crashed here with  the dog, who woke my mom up at 5am to go outside.  Not sure  why she left  the couch with my daughter to get grandma to let her out.  Then she and the big cat sat outside my door doing their  best  to get  Pixel to annoy me enough to feed them all.  They are like a pack of children.  Today my son is visiting, and soon my dad will be over and hopefully one of my brothers, and we will grill steaks and enjoy dinner together.

This time last weekend I was in a rut of shitty days,  today I am reminded what crap cards in life can really be like.  I am from a big family on both sides, dad is one of 10, mom is one of 8.  I have more cousins than I can count, and I know them all.  I have very fond memories of summer  time when growing up, going to grandma’s over by Elder High School.  My cousins all there, in droves, hanging out,  sipping  peppermint iced tea, eating popcorn made on the stove top to absolute  perfection (never a burnt kernel), and eating Smarties.  Sometimes someone walked us around the corner to get penny candy at the little store.  In the garage were a  bunch of tricycles in various sizes  that  we  stood on the back  of and raced up and down the street  and  driveway.  Some of my cousins  I have felt closer to than others,  one of those is my cousin Patty.  This  morning I received the following  email,  it hit  me really hard.  I read it laying in bed via  my BlackBerry, barely able to breathe and crying through a good portion of it.  The Divas will of  course be here for her and her daughter, in anyway we can, but right now they need prayers.  If you are a praying type, I ask that you please keep her daughter, Michelle,  and their family in your prayers.  I asked Patty for permission to post this in my blog, as I believe  in the power of  prayer and the more we can get for Michelle  the better.

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Some of you know that in the past week we have been waiting for Michelle to see a specialist about a soft tissue mass that was discovered in her upper right arm last Friday when an MRI was done.

About 3 weeks ago, Michelle had some pain in her arm and she thought maybe she pulled something.  About a week later, she found a lump and made a doctors appointment.  Last Friday and MRI was done and everyone thought it was something like a tendon, ligament, or something else she tore.  We got a call Friday night that the MRI showed a soft tissue mass in her bone and it had possibly gone outside as well causing the lump.

Long story short – we got into see “THE” doctor in Cincinnati that specializes in tumors of the bone (Dr. Joel Sorger). Apparently, he is the ONLY and the BEST.  The news we received this morning was not what we hoped.  He told us whatever this is – it is very aggressive.  He said it could be one of three things:  1) a really bad infection of some kind; 2) a benign tumor; 3) cancer.  This thing has actually broken through the bone on her arm and is now both inside and outside the bone.  He told us you do not typically see begnine tumors go through the bone – they either stay inside or outside.  He also told us that a lot of times which cancer, you can see little pieces of bone within the tumor and he is not seeing that either.  Basically, we don’t know.

We spent the day at Children’s in Liberty township today getting a Chest CT (too make sure there is nothing to keep her from getting a biopsy – something messing with anesthesia) and a full 1.5 hours of MRI on her whole right arm.

Friday was a long day for Michelle and me. We got to Children’s at 11:05 a.m. and did not arrive home here till after 7:00 p.m. last night.  Michelle got a Pet Scan which is where they inject radioactive material into her and any bad cells that are in her basically eat it up.  Then they put her in what looks like a big MRI machine and scan her whole body.  The purpose of this test was to see if she had any “suspicious” cells anywhere else in her body.

We did the scan and then were told to go up to the Hematology/Oncology department and meet with Dr. Geller.  One of his doctor assistants came in and took a very extensive family history from us.  Then, in came Dr. Geller with 3 other people in our tiny room. I could just tell (you know, as Mom’s can) that something was up.  I was completely petrified yesterday that this whole body scan would tell us Michelle had bad cells everywhere and if that happened I don’t think I could hold up.

He did tell us the mass in her upper right arm lit up light a Christmas Tree.  He told us that the very good thing is that nothing else..not even one tiny speck…showed up anywhere else in her scan.  This means – it’s only in the arm and no where else.  Now…with good news always comes bad.  He told us that the mass in her arm showed up so bright that he typically sees that when it is cancer. He also added that he would be very surprised if the mass was not cancer.  Michelle and I held up pretty good with that news.  I think all along that was my worst fear, but I was ready for it and surprisingly I think she was too.  He said there was still hope that it could be an infection or non-malignant tumor, but not to count on that.

He started to talk to us about chemo therapy and what type of cancer the thinks this is.  He said he believes it’s a sarcoma (sp?) and that it is an aggressive one.  He also said that he believes we caught this very early and that’s a good thing.

Now…that’s when he talked about the possibility of Michelle having children once she received chemo therapy. It seems that they have no clue how chemo affects each person and it’s wildly different with each one.  There is a chance that having chemo would cause her to go into early menopause and render all of her eggs useless.  I had thought about that once the day before, but Michelle was not ready to hear that news at all and completely broke down right there.  No one should hear at the age of 23 and married less than a year should have their hopes and dreams of having children someday disappear in an instant.  He brought in an oncology fertility expert to talk to Michelle (he had her waiting outside the door) and we talked about harvesting her eggs now — before chemo — so they can be fertilized, turned into embryos and frozen until later when her and Adam want to start a family.

There’s even a catch that… to get the MOST eggs possible, she would receive hormone therapy and it takes 4-6 weeks.  He told us we might not have 4-6 weeks, depending on what he finds out today from the biopsy.  So in that case, they would have to go in and get the eggs surgically — and typically they don’t get as many that way that turn into viable embryos.  So now it’s a waiting game to see exactly what the results of the biopsy are from today and how much time we have to harvest eggs.  We are supposed to meet with everyone back at Children’s on Tuesday to have everything laid out on the table and hear what this mass really is in Michelle’s arm.

He did say that if the mass in her arm is what he thinks it is, they have treated thousands of these and given all of the facts right now for Michelle’s case – there is no reason at all that they cannot treat her successful and she will live to be an old woman.  He said he does not believe this was a genetic thing (so we don’t have to worry about this happening to Casey).  It’s a random thing with no rhyme or reason.  That’s when it hit Michelle that she would lose her hair and asked if she would… all of the nurses said yes and we had another melt down.  I don’t blame her – I don’t even like to go out on a windy day once I have my hair perfect.  You men will not understand, but I know all of you women know that you’d rather have anything else happen to you before you lost your hair.  I really don’t know how to console her on this one because it would be devasting to me too and I don’t have an answer for her.  I could not go and start talking about wigs already so I just hugged her and said we’ll figure it out.

Yesterday was Biopsy day.  Her doctor was Australian and quite a character.  He also told her that he believes the mass in Michelle’s arm is cancer and he thinks it’s in the bone too (the Oncologist did not).  We’ll see on Tuesday I guess.  They went in an drilled the hole that is in Michelle’s bone a little bigger and took what they needed for the pathologist.  Ironically, I got a text from my sister, Theresa, saying that she and Marina (her daughter) were there.  I thought they were coming to sit with us during the surgery, but she was there because Marina’s doctor detected a heart murmer earlier that morning during a checkup and sent Theresa and Marina to Children’s to Cardiology.  Since Michelle was in surgery and Steve and Adam were up there, I ran down to be with my sister who was alone and pretty freaked out.  Marina’s heart was making a “goose honk” noise and every resident, intern, nurse and janitor kept coming in because they never heard anything like that before.  Turns out that it’s pretty much nothing – one of her heart valves let’s a little more backflow happen than it should and now it’s making this noise.  It’s not something to be concerned about so they let her lose.  What are the odds of that?   The only two girls in the family both in the hospital at the same time.

I will keep you all posted.  Even though the biopsy procedure was supposed to be very, very painful, it seemed that last night (with the help of pain killers), Michelle was doing pretty well and even told me she was going to work today.  We find out on Tuesday what the results of the biopsy are and what the next steps will be.  We pretty much know how things will turn out at that meeting – we will just have to be strong and march through the steps to get her better.  I will keep you all post.  Sorry it’s through email but it’s the easiest way since we are spending so much time in the hospital and I have hardly been home since Wednesday.

Please keep Michelle in your prayers – I believe God listens!



  1. Glad you’re over the court hump. I’ll keep the family in my thoughts. I heard an interesting thing once about the Hindi faith – that once in everyone’s lifetime (male and female), they shave their head. It’s supposed to be one of the most freeing spiritual acts you can find – a letting go of who you thought you were so you can grow anew. The chemo made me think of this, not the divorce. 🙂 We’re fighters in our family – and these challenges just make us even more convinced that we’ll get through the next thing okay.

    My last thought – about the house and motorcycle debt. Having been a debt collector for an atty for 8 years – if he didn’t refinance them, then you are still responsible for them as long as your name is on the contract. Creditors aren’t party to divorce proceedings. Divorce papers can say who is supposed to pay the bill, but they don’t relieve anyone of their obligations to pay the creditor. If he defaults on either of those, or any joint credit cards, that have your name on them, you’ll have problems. Make sure he refinances to get your name off of both of those contracts. Just a heads up.

  2. Marti,

    my prayers are being offered for everyone. you, Michelle, Marina and the rest of the families.

    and as far as the divorce goes, if it makes you happy, then I for one, am thrilled for you.

    • Thanks! It makes me happy now, it didn’t before. But as more and more comes to the surface and I see he is less and less who I thought he was, I am so thankful to be free!

  3. Marti,

    I’ll be praying for Michelle. I’ll also ask Celeste, my mother and all the other prayer warriors in my family to do the same. Thanks goodness for Facebook. It’s times like this that Facebook is great for asking for help. The more pray-ERS you get, the more prayers you get!

    By the way, I’m very happy for you! I look forward to getting to see you again sometime soon. Celeste and I might be coming to Cincinnati in the next couple of weeks. Maybe we can get together and have a drink. …well, you and Celeste can have have beer while I drink my Pepsi.


    • You KNOW I’d love to see you two! 🙂 and thanks for the prayers for Michelle, I will keep you posted as Patty updates us!

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