Every week for Wine & Cheese Wednesday I have decided to devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.
6th Glass of Wine
Lurkers Of The Left Lane
We all know who they are…they cruise up the interstates in the far left lane like they own it. They do the speed limit and not so much as one mile per hour over. You can flash your headlights, tailgate them, beep your horn, and they are oblivious, never speeding up and never moving over to let you get passed them. I’m not at all certain where they got their drivers education though I am fairly certain they actually found their drivers license in a plastic prize capsule in a bubble gum machine or it was the toy prize in a box of Cracker Jack. Listen up you left lane hogs, that lane is for PASSING others, not for cruising along. YES I know, the speed limit applies to that lane as well, however it is for the purpose of passing those not willing to even go that fast! No one died and left you the speed police, get out of the left lane please so I can maneuver around the semi trucks, slow pokes and rubber neckers out there and let me worry about the speeding ticket!
Speed Racer Wannabes
These folks are the opposite of the left lane lurkers, these are those clowns that have a lead foot and think they own the left hand lane and everyone needs to get out of their way. They far exceed the speed limit flying along the highways, running late to their next appointment or to clock in to work. While you are trying to pass the vehicles next to you they are on the bumper of your car, flashing their headlights, smacking the steering wheel and calling you everything but your birth name. They weave back and forth to be sure you see them there in your side view mirrors with their face turning purple and blood pressure dangerously close to the stroke zone. What they don’t seem to see while they are dancing in the lane like a Shriner in one of those little clown cars, is the large semi next to you on the right, the cement median wall on the left, and the 10 cars in front of you. I am not certain what it is they expect as no one can go any faster than the vehicle in front of them is going, and few are going to try to force the truck to move by inching closer to it. The beauty is once they find an opening these idiots zip in and out of traffic, at high rates of speed, only to end up next to you at the traffic light at the end of the exit ramp up the road. I’m going to probably get shot at one of these days when said brainless wonder looks my way to see me applauding him for getting to the light to sit and wait, ahead of me.
Okay gentlemen, and I do use that term loosely, listen up. It is not socially acceptable to pass gas around others. There is nothing manly about cutting loose with green clouds out of your anus that could knock a maggot off a rotting road kill carcass. There is no prize for the loudest, smelliest or longest emission of gas from your bum. It is impolite and flat out rude and guess what, we females do not find this appealing. It was cute when you were 2 years old, it is beyond obnoxious as an adult. Nothing about that nauseous release is going to get you any booty tonight, who the hell in their right mind wants to crawl in the sheets for a horizontal dance with someone that smells like decaying flesh? Oh and do you think you could avoid crop dusting the soup aisle at the grocery store? Seriously go use the bathroom, buy some Beano or Gas-X or see a doctor. Don’t give me that line of bull that it is a natural bodily function to release something from the body, so is vomiting but I am thinking you wouldn’t want me to hurl next to you. Really, learn some manners.
A Serving Of Cheese
Little Miss/Mr. Manners – all 3 servings of cheese are yours! (Okay your parents but you reflect them!)
I make a LOT of calls to customers, call backs to the tune of about 100 a week. Every once in a while I call and a child answers the phone. BRAVO to those parents that have taught their children how to properly answer the phone and speak to the caller.
The children that do not get up and run around when out to eat, but rather stay in their seats and say please, thank-you and asked to be excused before heading back to the salad bar, and then politely wait their turn and don’t push ahead of others.
The youngster that sees someone coming behind them as they enter a door and stop to hold it open, and then say “you’re welcome” when thanked.
You little darlings are a credit to your parents and restore my hope for some amount of etiquette in the future generations.
Behind every good man, there is a good woman. And behind every good woman, there’s another man looking at her butt.