Every week for Wine & Cheese Wednesday I have decided to devote a blog to whining. Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times. I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs. I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well. I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile just a bit more than normal.
5th Glass of Wine
Between The Lines Lame Brains
Parking lots are one of those places I can find a lot to whine about it would seem. Take the simple task of parking ones car. Nice lines are painted throughout the lot designating parking spaces. The objective is to pull your car in between the lines of a parking space. Let me go slower for those that have difficulty grasping this concept. Pull into the parking space, so that your car sits IN BETWEEN THE LINES. One space per car, so two lines is the goal. No parking over the top of a line so that now you have 3 lines to yourself, that is a no no! If that confuses you ask any 2 year old child, they grasp the no no thing. Like many who park over the lines in the lot, they pay attention about as well but then they are 2 and if you are driving you are at least 16 years old so this shouldn’t be too complex. Should you come across someone who has failed to get their car between the lines, simply flatten 2 of their tires as no one carries more than one spare park in the first completely available spot closest to the offender and leave a really nasty note on their windshield resist the temptation to park as they did, over the lines. This throws the entire system off balance and upsets those of us who DO park in one space.
These offenders of our parks, as mentioned in a previous edition of Wine & Cheese Wednesday, are lurking about our neighborhoods! Disguised as friendly neighbors they commit a terrible offense against their unsuspecting nearby residents! Under the cover of darkness, either very early before sunrise, or just after the sun has set, they walk their doggies allowing their little canine companions to poop in YOUR yard! These rude, doo-doo brained pooch owners don’t want to clean up their own lawns, so they slip around like thieves in the night, crapping their mutts on others prized grasses. Some are very bold, strolling along in broad daylight while Fifi squats and drops by your perennials then eases on down the road like it never happened. Then along comes your snotty nosed kid precious little angel and he or she steps square in the deposit and tracks it through your house! OH if only we could catch these phantoms and then we could relocate their puppy’s calling cards to their own front porch square in front of their door! Be a good neighbor and pick up after your four-legged furry kids, please!
Express Brain Deficiencies
Grocery stores have done many things to make our shopping experience more enjoyable and efficient. One of the best things since sliced bread is the express lane. The whole idea behind this lane is to get folks with SMALL (key word there) orders through the check out faster. The express lane is clearly marked and most allow for 10 to 15 items OR LESS (note that does not say MORE). Inevitably there is someone who failed kindergarten mathematics that will ease on into the express lane with their cart that clearly has far more in it than 10 or 15 items. Perhaps they are confused and think that if you have 4 loaves of bread and 6 packages of buns, that this is ONE bread unit (all of them are in the bread family) as opposed to 10 individual items. This same person thinks 3 packages of chicken and 4 individually wrapped pounds of ground beef are ONE meat unit rather than 7 items. One unit of breakfast food consists of 5 boxes of cereal, 2 – 1 dozen cartons of eggs and 3 packages of goetta. I cannot fathom such ignorance can see how they arrived at the register thinking they had 3 items (bread, meat and breakfast) and not 27 individual items. They are rude jackasses misunderstanding how this all adds up. Perhaps they could ask any preschool scholar in the store to count up their cart load for them next time they are not certain if they qualify for the express lane?
A Serving Of Cheese
Trash man, garbage men, or the more politically correct term of sanitation worker, doesn’t matter what you call them, without them we’d be tail deep in nasty, smelling trash. Theirs is a most unpleasant occupation and we often take them for granted. But tomorrow morning they will come and take away all that we have sitting out at the curb. You men and women are awesome and I very much thank you!
My Hair Stylist
Debbie just rocks my world! She knows me like no one else. She should be a shrink…no wait she is better than a shrink. In a short period of time every few weeks she is a friendly ear that knows more about me than my next door neighbor. Not only is she a caring person that is one of my greatest cheer leaders she also is a hair artist! She makes my hair look fantastic and patiently tolerates my ‘growing out’ periods that she knows are not going to last before she is hitting my locks and taking me back to a short hair style again. I just love that woman!
Nothing is quite as beautiful as the colors of nature. Flowers, really blue skies and sunrises with bright orange and pink clouds. Go it one better and see the sun seemingly rise out of the ocean. God or chance, whatever your view, nothing compares to the colors of the world that are not man made, but created by the natural world around us.
Airplane: a vehicle the Wright brothers invented immediately after driving cross-country with family. ~ Tweeted by Daffynitions and retweeted by FunnyOneLiners